Meltdown, temper tantrum, screaming, fighting, throwing, crying, yelling......exhaustion. Yeah, it's all apart of our journey. One time I was venting to Marcia and telling her about some frustration with a meltdown. And she said, "You feel like you are fighting a battle everyday, because you are. A typical child has a battle once a week, but you fight the battles EVERYDAY!" (it's easy to see why she changed my life, right? she GOT IT) Logan and Cole are very good boys. Logan always receives praise for being the perfect, quiet, rule following kid. Cole is most of the time described as sunshine or funny or happy. I don't want to give the idea in the next few stories I tell that I'm putting them down in any way. But here are a few of my "favorite" meltdown stories.
I was in the grocery store with Logan and Cole (walmart, bad idea) and Logan was walking next to the cart and begging and begging for a candy bar. I said no. He started to whine. I said no more firmly. He started to cry saying "I want a candy bar". I said no again more in his face and he began a melt down. Now, this may be typical for a 2 or 3 year old, but he was about 4 or so when this happened. The meltdown didn't just happen for a few minutes while we waited to check out...but it got increasingly worse as we waited (walmart....baaaad idea long lines!). As we waited a "nice" little old lady said "I think someone is spoiled." to which I replied "HE IS NOT SPOILED". (uhhh, that still makes my blood boil). Ok, so this looks like bad behavior and it was. He was being unreasonable. I have since come to realize that at times he didn't know if I was understanding what he wanted, which caused BIG meltdowns. I also have recently realized that Logan doesn't process what he hears like an average kid. So it takes him a few minutes to get what I am saying. Not only that, but for whatever reason some SPD kids have an issue with waiting in line. And likely, the little shopping trip was completely out of his routine which from the beginning set him off in a bad mood. It's not that I'm excusing bad behavior with SPD b/c I'm not...he was punished for the bad behavior (no candy bar and time out in the cart). But as I look back now, I can see why he was on edge and that "no" at the end of the shopping trip--in the noisy store, probably wearing the pants he didn't want to wear, outside of his normal routine--was too much for the little 4 year old!
Logan's epic meltdowns were many times over not wanting to wear a jacket or long pants. I can remember completely dressing him while he was kicking and fighting and crying, driving him 20 minutes to school....while he still cried and screamed and arriving a school with a red faced, teary eyed boy. Luckily, both Ms. Scott and Ms. Wendy were good about helping us through that. He still gets antsy over that kind of stuff, but it's not the meltdowns it was in the past...now he just whines and repeats over and over what he wants or doesn't want.
Cole has also had some epic meltdowns. His in the beginning didn't seem as bad to me (maybe b/c I was dealing with Logan's at the same time) but to other people his meltdowns were worse. He calmed down with me, but if I wasn't there to calm him then he would be a pistol for whoever was taking care of him. It came to where I couldn't go with him to PT or Speech b/c he would not work for the therapist while I was in the room. Ironically, he was ok with me being there in OT (probably b/c she was working directly with his sensory needs). Anyway, many of Cole's epic meltdowns happened with other people at first! One time he refused to walk back to class from the playground with his Physical Therapist. She said he cried all the way back (it was quite a hike too) and she had to carry him like a football b/c he refused to walk. Another one of Cole's famous things to do is just sit down. He will cry and sit down and refuse to go anywhere. Which when he was little I'd just pick him up and we'd go, but as he gets bigger it gets harder. Cole has sat down in the middle of stores, therapy, church you name it. We even had to implement a little technique for helping his sit ins. (basically....hold his hand up above his head, gently take a step forward, prompt one time to stand, and do not respond to screaming) That is very hard to do while standing in the middle of a store with people staring at you....just saying. Cole doesn't always make a good first impression, which breaks my heart b/c once you get to know him he's a great kid! In a new situation such as a new classroom, or teacher he goes through a time of readjusting to the new person/environment. Mommy forgets that he has this issue with new people/situations so the first week is always bad. It usually takes him a few weeks to get a good routine going and then he is fine and adjusts. But of course, this makes a terrible first impression on his teachers. We still struggle with this issue and I have yet to find something that works to get him through it. Cole was doing well at school with Ms. Ana following a pictorial schedule so we made a folder for church that had the schedule that the teacher could show to him. She used boardmaker to make the little squares and that seemed to work ok. I am recently contemplating going with him the first week to get him adjusted, but b/c he clings to me so much I am hesitant to try it. Maybe easing him into a big change would be better, but we are not always given that opportunity (in the case of a substitute). Hmmm, I will have to think more on this for an upcoming change from Cubbies to Sparks at church! !!!
In order to make an attempt to balance all these negatives out, let me just share that both of my boys have truly great personalities, they have bad days but they are not bad kids by any means. Logan is my serious, rule follower. He likes order and his routine. He also likes to play with Legos (you can be his best friend if you play with Legos...it's really not too difficult) He is super protective of his sister and he loves her and loves to play with her. He loves to play with Cole and wrestle and have fun. He loves to please and make people happy and he loves praise. Cole is my lovable little monkey. He loves to laugh and have fun. He LOVES cars to this day he plays with cars daily. His cars do great things and talk to each other (it's much more fun to listen to now that he uses real words...lol) He's a great pretender and he's always "happy". He also thrives on praise!
I try to remember to focus on the positives about my boys rather than their issues with SPD. I verbally praise their accomplishments often. I think it's so important to keep praising them. There are times when I fail and I'm frustrated with their behavior. But it helps to remember those cute little stories too....you know, the ones for the scrapbook :)
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